Trigger warning – this post talks about mental health issues including suicide. If you are having a hard time, please reach out to the Samaritans or someone else you can talk to.
I’m glad to be back after the holidays. Other than the great few days spent isolating at my brother’s I ended up mostly working, it was so important to reconnet with friends and family (and fish ‘n’ chips), and just be somewhere else.
I’ve also been focusing on supporting my son who had his first anxiety attack, on his twelfth birthday.
He has always felt things very deeply, and has thought a lot about what is going on in the world. Currently, the world can feel like a pretty scary place, so it’s not at all surprising that the British Psychological Society found recently that one-third of 11-18 year olds are struggling to cope with their mental wellbeing at this time, and would benefit from support.
But he had an anxiety attack so strong and terrifyint that he was rushed to hospital for tests, and spent his birthday evening in a children’s ward. I was very glad for the support and calm care of the Danish health system, and for my boy’s tenacity and confidence in dealing with the episode. It was scary, but there was no shame around it.
My fear now, for both of us, is where this is coming from and what it means for his life. And that made me think about the relationships between fear and action. I should say upfront that I am not a doctor, psychologist or expert in anything other than my family and my opinions – which is what this blog is about. So if anything here triggers issues for you then please do get in touch with the professionals.
Money and mental health have been closely linked for a long time. UK charity MIND found that there is a cyclical relationship – having issues with money can negatively impact your mental health, making you feel anxious, unable to sleep at night or concentrate, and uncertain about the future. On the other hand having pre-existing mental health issues can make you struggle with money, whether through also finding it difficult to find or hold down a job, or to engage with things like communicating or negotiating with companies if you get into debt.
Of course both issues impact people in different ways, but MIND found that people with debt and money issues are three times more likely to have mental health problems. A study from the US found that when these challenges impact people’s lives further into issues such as losing a job or a home, people become 20 times more likely to commit suicide.
The pandemic has massively exacerbated financial stress for so many people. A study in October 2020 found that 70% of UK respondents were stressed about being able to meet rent, bills and basic needs at the end of the month. Many of the temporary fixes of COVID, from furloughs to support grants for small businesses, is coming to an end and we are only just starting to see the new economic landscape and what is possible.
I don’t know what the answers are. From a FIRE perspective, the impact of the pandemic has made me beyond grateful that I have a steady job, no debt and an emergency fund. But with all the uncertainty it’s a terrifying time for people who are just getting started.
So the advice I leave you with is the same as the advice I am giving myself as a mum who is struggling, and that I have given to my son: be kind to yourself. Do the tiny steps which are open to you now, and don’t worry about those coming up in the future. You will deal with them when they come: you will have built the foundation you need through your small actions and you will be ready when they arrive. You don’t need to be ready now, you just need to be you. Breathe as deep as you can. Know that you are loved. You got this.