FIRE habits: a simple week’s routine

We’ve all heard the phrase ‘a journey begins with a single step’, and it’s a helpful reminder that even the most ambitious of ventures starts with just taking action. The more I engage in the FIRE journey (which continues to be much less about FIRE and much more about conscious living), the more important it is to remember that the single steps are actually the whole journey, and the journey *is* the destination.

Before I mix too many metaphors, perhaps it’s simpler to say that these days I focus more on the steps than the goals. Through peer coaching over the last year or two it became clear to me that my goals are sharp and focused: and my One Next Thing is also clear. What I was lacking though, was the idea of the messy middle section, or, what my life needed to be and become to get from here to there. So this post is about the small habits I’ve crafted and a look at how they worked this week.

Take time to smell (or plant, or photograph) the roses. Photo by Randy Tarampi on Unsplash
  1. Make time for gratitude: I’ve written before about my morning routine, which has been crafted to include mindfulness practice, gratitude journaling, and goal setting, all in about 30 minutes. Whilst I have to admit that I now do this probably three times a week instead of every day, I try and integrate gratitude practice throughout the day. This might sound very modern, but it’s also akin to what my granny would have called ‘prayer‘. Saying thank you before food, when receiving something, and before sleeping or travelling used to be much more ingrained into our daily lives than it is now, but it’s a habit that really makes a difference. If you really want to say thank you, be a British person asking for something in a shop – my son counted and the shopkeeper and I said ‘thanks’ three times each. Apart from generally making the world a nicer place, there is evidence that gratitude and appreciation contributes to our sense of optimism, and is one of the practices that can make you even more optimistic: something I can definitely appreciate in these challenging times.
  2. Meal plan, and stick to it: this is one of the major tools in my (seemingly never-ending) battle with my spend on groceries. I’ve always quite enjoyed the meal planning bit, but as with my early budgets, treated it as evidence that I was Doing The Right Things and promptly ignored it. So now I take a bit of time one weekend morning over coffee to look through the special offer flyers – these come through the door once a week in Denmark, and list all the different supermarket offers – and have a poke through the fridge, freezer and cupboards to see what we have. Then I talk to the kids and let them nominate two meals each (small salad-refusing daughter invariably says pizza and pasta, but we live in hope), and we sketch out the evening meals. I try to make it so they are logical: a roast chicken on a Sunday, then leftover chicken in a risotto on a Tuesday for example, or making sure that we don’t OD on over-regular infusions of tomato sauce and mozzarella. Then I check against the commitments for the week so that the things which take more time are planned for the evenings when I, well, have more time. The proof of the meal planning is in the eating, though, so the focused work is then sticking to the plan and not heading off to the supermarket.
  3. Check my finances: I tend to so this daily but I am also trying to trust the budget and wean myself off it. But checking in weekly means I can make sure I know what’s coming up; see if there are any sneaky tricks I have pulled on myself; and, hopefully, have a mental pat on the back for everything being in order. It has definitely taken a while to get here though, so if you are starting out then do check your bank daily (not your investments though, that way madness lies). Keeping a real eye on your spending is easily done through looking at your account regularly: whilst the odd £5 or even £15 here and there might not feel like a lot, seeing how it adds up will help keep you focused.  
  4. Do one big chore: well, they might not be that big, but it’s the kind of things where if they build up, they make me feel crazy. Recently I’ve been focusing on de-cluttering, going through the various bits of the house where crap piles up, and trying to feel like I only have things in the house which are beautiful or useful. I’ve also this week started with the Minimalists podcast which has lots of inspiration. We started the 30 day minimalism challenge as well this month – more on this soon. Other chores in this list include mowing the lawn, descaling the taps (thanks hard water in Denmark) or other thrills. But knowing I do one thing a week keeps me from waking up with randomized anxiety about the tasks undone.
  5. Get some fresh air: maybe not as obvious as the others, but I try and work out my exercise and fresh air intake over the week. Because we’re so busy with the usual minutiae, this often means a big walk at the weekend. I am always shocked by how much better I feel after a blowy walk. There is evidence (and not only just from talking to my mum for whom the answer to all problems is either a) a walk in the fresh air or b) a hot bath) that getting outside really does make you healthier, even compared to doing the same exercises inside.
It’s beautiful out there…

What do you do each week and how is it helping your journey? I’d love to hear from you!

Loving what is

With apologies to paraphrasing Byron Katie, I’ve been thinking a lot about ‘loving what is’. I am prone to envy – an emotion so toxic and at odds with my ethics that I rarely even admit to friends that I feel like this. In trying to unpack why I feel envious, and the impact it has on how I interact with others and live my own life, I keep coming back to gratitude.

And it’s a relief – it’s so much simpler to find ways to be grateful rather than trying to ‘stop being envious’. It struck me that gratitude is the only tool available for digging out the roots of envy and getting on with a positive life.

Say it loud!

In thinking about this area, I realised I have some limiting – and, frankly, horrendous – beliefs. I share them here not to totally put you off me (though I understand if that’s the case) but because recognising them is part of forgiving myself for feeling this way then weeding them out:

  1. I worked hard for what I have – others were lucky. This is not something I believe with any part of my rational brain, but I see thoughts based on this popping up when someone is doing well. This has been really stark for me with housing, partly because in the UK at least, people who were on the property ladder some time back, or had family support at a crucial moment, are in a position that nobody could get to starting from now. Our landlord recently told me that the house we rent from them (at huge cost) has gone up $100,000 in the last year. Whilst the system is stacked in a certain way, I conveniently forget the times it has worked in my favour.
  2. I deserve more. Oh dear. This is particularly toxic because at its core is dissatisfaction and lack of gratitude for where I am now. Which – whilst it’s not perfect – is ridiculous. My income puts me in the top 1% world wide. I am healthy and so are my amazing kids (touch wood) – and I have amazing kids. I live in the fifth happiest city in the world, one which is so safe that my 11 year old can go alone to hang out with friends. There is so much to be grateful for I am amazed that I can find the brain space to focus on the bullshit instead of weeping with happiness every day, but somehow it happens.
  3. It wouldn’t be like this if I wasn’t a single parent. I have a specially wide jealous streak for two-parent households where I compare their options (including to work hard, take breaks, have an income double mine because there are two adults in their household) which is also unfair. There are all sorts of reasons why people are where they are on their path, and all sorts of unseen compromises. I had to make the decisions which were right for my family, and manage the consequences instead of constantly thinking ‘what if’.
Recognition is the first step in resisting.

So why does this matter? Apart from it making me unpleasantly whingy (at least in my head) these kind of thoughts become limiting beliefs and it takes work to get over those. This has led to limiting myself – if I really believe that others are lucky and I work hard, why bother working hard? If I am ‘unlucky’ how do I believe that things are going to work out? Its also exhausting and boring to feel this way, and it makes me negative. Consciously hearing how these beliefs play out in how I talk to people, and interact with them, has led to some very uncomfortable recognitions about myself.

But happily none of this is ingrained – every day provides a chance for change and growth. Now that’s something to be grateful for!